


Empty Places

by Tarlan



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Character Study, Community: smallfandomfest, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-04
Updated: 2009-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 23:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Returning to the Montana dig without Billy felt wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty Places

**Author's Note:**

> Written for smallfandomfest FEST04: They find something unusual at the dig  
> Also meets smallfandomflsh prompt #11 Time

Returning to the Montana dig without Billy felt wrong. Alan kept seeing him out of the corner of his eye; pushing up onto his knees above the latest find, and raising his hand in welcome; looking around the corner of the equipment tent, eager to show him the latest images; slapping the dust from his knees and arms as they finished up for the day, always smiling despite the heat and the dust and the sweat that trickled down his spine.

They'd only been gone four days, which was two days longer than either of them had anticipated, and Alan had expected to return with a large check in his pocket to fund the dig for a few more months at least. Instead, he had come back empty; empty pockets, empty handed, empty soul. He could do nothing about the first two except get another presentation pack together and see if the university would allow him a second chance at gaining funding through a series of lectures and tours of the dig. Hell, he'd even lower his dignity and standards and talk about Jurassic Park if that is what would fill seats and fill the coffers, or maybe he could leave that part to Billy now he had such intimate knowledge of Hammond's dinosaurs.

Billy.

He sighed, knowing why he felt so empty inside. This dig could have a hundred people scratching at the dirt and it would still be an empty place without Billy's presence. At the moment, though, it was as empty as the proverbial grave, and considering the contents of the dig, perhaps that was an apt expression.

He picked his way through the few remaining tents to check on the equipment before heading down to where the latest find of a velociraptor was covered to protect it from the elements. Everything was in its place with a fine layer of new dust settling on the cover from the lack of activity. Alan sighed in regret but the fossil had been lying there since the Upper Cretaceous period; it would still be there next week. The expensive machine that Billy had hired to create a three-dimensional copy of a velociraptor's resonating chamber had been taken back, removing that concern from his mind and nothing else had any intrinsic value other than it would be a nuisance if the items went missing

Assured that all was secure at the dig, Alan trod the well-worn path between the pick-up and the large trailer they'd started sharing once Billy had chosen to make this dig a part of his thesis, becoming a full time part of the dig team and Alan's chosen deputy. He fumbled with the keys, cursing when he couldn't get it to unlock until finally slamming his hand up against the metal beside the obstinate lock in a fit of temper. The key turned and the door swung open, dust motes dancing in the shaft of light falling through the doorway as if the place had been empty for years instead of days. There was no respite from the heat though as someone had turned off the rickety air conditioning after he phoned to warn he'd be a good few days longer than anticipated. There was no reason to waste the generator's power when there was no one to cool down.

The door to Billy's small room stood open and Alan could see several clean items of clothing lying haphazardly across the bed, as if Billy had stepped outside only moments before while in the process of packing. These must have been the additional clothes he had discarded as unnecessary for the single overnight trip with the Kirbys. A single change of clothes should have been enough and ended up being more than they used though Alan had no intention of going back for the set left behind on Isla Sorna - his or Billy's. However, it made it easier for Alan to pack the set Billy would need for when they released him from the hospital.

Gathering his and Billy's notes and a few additional items for himself, Alan finished packing and locked the trailer securely behind him. He trudged back up the path and secured everything into the back of the pick-up, casting an experienced eye over the dig before climbing in and starting the engine. As he drove away, a part of him hoped he wouldn't return alone.

****

"You got my clothes!"

Billy's smile was worth the trip to the dig, even if he wasn't allowed to wear them just yet. Thick bandages covered his torso and his right forearm, smaller ones looked pristine against the paleness of his throat and covered the gash on his head. Alan knew there were more injuries hidden beneath the hospital sheets, some deeper than others. His own small lacerations had scabbed over and the bruising was starting to fade. Within another few days he would be able to look in a mirror and wonder if Isla Sorna had been the product of a nightmare rather than reality, even though he could easily classify their trip as both. He doubted Billy would have that same luxury of believing it all a dream for some of the tears into his flesh from beak and talon would forever leave their mark upon him.

The important thing was that Billy was alive, and that he would get back on his feet quickly with only a minimal loss of mobility in his left side from torn muscle and tendon. Alan's biggest fear was that he might decide to postpone his thesis work indefinitely now that the creatures of a distant past had, literally, sent him crashing down to Earth and dug their claws into him. Although not injured, Alan had the same problem after his original venture to Jurassic Park, wondering if the dry and dusty fossilized remains would be enough after seeing, touching, and being chased by the terrifyingly close facsimile of a velociraptor that had been Hammond's creation. Somehow he had managed to convince himself that the slight difference in DNA was enough to make it a new subspecies, that it didn't negate a lifetime spent studying fossilized bone and what impressions remained of their environment. Only now, as he reflected on the intelligence guiding the pack of velociraptors that had hunted them down, did he wonder at his own stubbornness in refusing to consider Hammond's monsters as more than a generator of ideas when he should have been studying them more intently.

He had spoken to Ellie just before the ill-fated trip to Isla Sorna, mentioning the problems in gaining funding since Jurassic Park because no one wanted to see a pile of fossils when they could see a real live dinosaur. He recalled Ellie's parting words to him, "Alan don't be afraid to evolve."

She was right. He had been afraid to evolve beyond a man scrabbling in the dust for clues to the past, afraid of becoming as obsolete as those fossilized remains but it wasn't just in his professional life. Isla Sorna had shown him one more blind side to his character, that of feeling more than just Platonic affection for Billy Brennan. It had also shown him that his feelings were returned, and that had been a shock because the signs had always been there once he knew how to look for them. He'd taken Billy's lack of follow-through for the casual flirting from female dig assistants as a show of professionalism on Billy's part, never realizing that it was a lack of interest in female companionship. Yet Billy had always been so attentive towards him, rushing up to grab his overnight bag from the passenger seat of the pick-up when he'd been away and wanting to share all that had happened in his day no matter how trivial. Alan had always enjoyed those moments when they sat in the small communal area of the trailer and simply talked half the night away.

The looks Billy gave him had taken on new meaning now he had opened his eyes to possibilities, and he saw that look again now; a mixture of hope and need that Alan should have recognized months, perhaps years ago, a look that went beyond a student's crush on a teacher.

And there lay part of the problem. It didn't matter that Billy was an adult capable of making up his own mind. Alan might not be Billy's teacher but he was his thesis adviser, and the faculty wouldn't look too kindly upon a sexual relationship between the pair purely because of the implied breach of trust. One option was for Billy to change his adviser but Billy was so close to finishing his doctorate work now, perhaps only months, if not weeks away. Alan had been on the 'money tour' for weeks before the Kirbys turned up at the dig, making time to read Billy's additions to his papers in the evenings at whatever motel he was using that night but rarely finding time to simply sit down and talk it all through, to point out inconsistencies and debate the finer points of Billy's presentation material.

Taking a seat beside the bed, Alan watched with pleasure as Billy sorted through the belongings brought back from the dig. No, he couldn't let some other paleontologist take over at this late stage, not if he wanted to see Billy gain that prestigious honor of 'Doctor' before his name. If he and Billy becoming more than colleagues, more than friends, was meant to be then it could wait a few more months.

"I brought your thesis papers and research material too. If you're going to be sitting around for a week or more then you might as well do something useful." Billy beamed another smile at him, accepting the case containing all his research material. "And the least I can do is come by every day to discuss any issues."

"You don't need any reasons to come by, Dr. Grant."

Alan gave a small, closed-mouthed smile, recalling how angry he had been when he discovered the velociraptor eggs in Billy's backpack. "I stopped being an idiot after..." He couldn't say it, couldn't put into words the horror of seeing the pteranodons tearing into Billy. "You can still call me Alan."

If he had thought Billy was smiling before then he knew those were pale imitations of his true smile, almost certain the room had grown visibly brighter and warmer as Billy gave an incandescent grin that set his whole face aglow. It was almost too much for Alan to handle, feeling his resolve to wait until Billy had his doctorate crumbling beneath a desire to reach out and capture that brightness. He cleared his throat awkwardly and patted Billy's uninjured arm, tempted to let his fingers linger against the warm, soft skin; not realizing at first that they did linger longer than necessary while he thought about it. He pulled back his hand as if burned.

"I should be going now... Let you rest."

Billy's smile was a little less bright this time but his eyes showed a depth of knowledge and understanding that Alan thought too ancient for such a young face. He left quickly, before he could make an even bigger fool of himself.

****

Alan didn't bother returning to the dig, deciding it was better to leave it all closed up until Billy was back on his feet especially as Alan had to go back onto the convention trail again in the hope of raising the desperately needed funding. He was not surprised when only a handful turned up to the first presentation. On the earlier circuit he'd learned pretty quickly that most of those who showed were interested only in Jurassic Park and he had refused to play along. This time, he had made himself a promise not to let his pride get in the way of securing funding. To that end, he had spent a week rewriting some of his drier material and adding in theories that were partially backed up by what he had seen on both Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna.

Word must have spread quickly because the majority of seats were filled for his second presentation and, this time, he answered every question regarding his experience on both dinosaur islands.

When the weekend came back around for a second time, Alan felt guilty that he'd spent very little time with Billy even if Billy did understand the necessity. Still, he was expecting a little sullenness on Billy's part and was surprised to find Billy dressed and waiting for him with his bags packed when he arrived at the hospital. Looking over the pale face, Alan wondered if the doctors were doing the right thing because it had less than three weeks since the pteranodon attack.

"They letting you go?"

"They need the bed for sick people."

"Well, I'm sure they'll let you stay a little longer if..." Billy grabbed Alan's arm as he turned towards the door to go fetch a doctor or nurse.

"Alan, I'm ready to leave. If I stay here one more minute I'll go insane."

Alan smiled, recalling how Billy preferred the outdoors; how they both preferred the open sky and hills of the Badlands to the claustrophobic classrooms on campus. "Then what are we waiting for?"

A nurse stepped into the room pushing a wheelchair, and Billy smiled. "Looks like my ride has arrived."

Setting the heavier case of research notes onto Billy's lap once he had settled into the wheelchair, Alan picked up the two small bags set on the bed and followed on behind as the nurse wheeled Billy to the main entrance. Alan set the bags down beside Billy.

"You wait here while I fetch the pick-up."

Within ten minutes, they were heading out of the hospital grounds towards the campus where both of them retained small apartments. Alan could feel the tension leaving the man beside him as they put greater distance between them and the hospital until, finally, Billy turned to him and grinned.

"We have any money?"

Alan knew he wasn't referring to a few dollars for a pit-stop at the local drive-thru McDonalds.

"Haven't you heard? I'm the latest equivalent of a three-ring circus. I have them lining up outside the door waiting to hear all about our death defying adventures in Dino land." He couldn't help the bitterness in his voice because there was nothing funny about seeing the man he loved - and yes, Alan knew he could admit that now - seeing that man fallen upon by carnivorous pteranodons, and the river running red with Billy's blood. He shuddered, looking across sharply when he felt strong fingers close around his forearm.

"I'm not dead."

"No. You're not," he murmured back but at the time, Alan had lost all hope of ever seeing Billy alive again, barely allowing Kirby to drag him away before they both became the next course on the menu. In hindsight, he couldn't recall how they'd managed to escape the caged enclosure, though he could recall pouring out some of his grief to a mere boy, one who'd experienced far worse than any child should suffer.

He pulled up outside Billy's apartment block and helped him carry his belonging up the single flight of stairs, grateful to see Billy was already moving around without too much difficulty. He tried not to think of the resilience of youth because that merely emphasized the two decades between their ages, making him feel old. He hovered on the threshold, desperately wanting an invitation to enter and yet knowing he couldn't accept. Billy smiled and took the bags from his hands, fingers brushing almost deliberately.

"I'm heading out to the dig on Wednesday," Billy stated almost nonchalantly. "You gonna be there?"

Alan had two more guest lectures to perform to the Jurassic crowd, as he liked to call them, and then he would be free and the dig would have enough funding to run the generator for another four months. He nodded, "But don't get too comfortable. Once you've got your doctorate I'm expecting you to help with the funding tours. I don't want to keep facing those idiots on my own forever."

Billy's gave his broadest, happiest grin as he closed the door, leaving Alan wondering what he had said to deserve the extra special smile that Billy seemed to reserve only for him. As he sank into the car seat, he realized that this was probably the first time he had ever included Billy in his plans beyond the day his assistant gained his own doctorate. Truth is, he hadn't expected Billy to want to stay with him once he could begin his own research but, from Billy's reaction, he must have been mistaken about that. The thought gave him more hope than he cared to admit that this could be something deeper and more rewarding, something lasting.

***

On the Monday evening when he tried calling Billy from the nameless motel hundreds of miles from home, Alan gained no answer. The phone had been disconnected and Alan knew Billy only did that when he was working hard on his thesis and didn't want anyone to disturb him. He just hoped Billy hadn't become so engrossed that he'd forgotten to take his medication. The thought gnawed at him until he gave up pretending that Billy was a big boy and could take of himself, and contacted Monty who helped run the research labs for the Paleontology department.

On the Tuesday, Billy was still incommunicado but Monty confirmed that he'd seen him and passed on the message to take his antibiotics and pain meds as instructed. He grinned as Monty relayed Billy's response of Don't worry so much. I'm a big boy and can take care of myself.

On Wednesday Alan drove straight to the dig from the lecture hall, aware that he was a little rude in ignoring those trying to catch his attention to ask yet more questions about Jurassic Park and real dinosaurs before he got away. It was a relief to leave the frenetic activity of city and towns behind and drive through the rougher terrain leading along Hell's Creek to the dig site. He stopped off at the small town that boasted little more than a bar and grill and a general store, picking up some additional supplies even though he could bet Billy would have a similar idea.

Billy's battered pick-up was the only vehicle parked at the dig, which pleased Alan immensely even though he had no way of knowing if Billy had come alone. He hoped so though, wanting to spend this time alone with Billy. The trailer door opened as Alan switched off the engine, and Alan felt himself relax for the first time in weeks when he saw Billy heading down the path towards him, welcoming smile in place. His left arm was in a sling, most likely to stop him using the damaged shoulder too soon.

"Billy!"

Instead of the usual greeting of Dr. Grant, Alan was pleased to hear Billy call him by his first name but then there were no students present so no need to be professional and stand on ceremony.

"Alan! You made it."

"I've had recent experience from escaping predatory packs," he stated, still exasperated by the tenacity of some of the people present at his lectures.

Billy admonished him. "They're paying for this dig."

"We'll see how you feel after a round of lectures fending off the worst of them," Alan added wryly.

"I found something by the 'raptor. Think you should take a look."

Alan eyed him dangerously. "You're supposed to be resting."

Billy grinned, light-brown eyes alight with pleasure. "Come on."

Billy led him to where the velociraptor fossil was still covered and Alan knelt down beside Billy to help pull away one particular corner. A glint of sunlight off glass caught his eye and Alan frowned because no one was allowed to bring food or drink anywhere near the fossil, and there was no quartz in the rock to reflect back. He realized it was a lot larger beneath the covering of dirt and dust, taking the larger brush from Billy's hand and sweeping it across the surface with all the care of a fine painter. Alan froze when it became clear that this was no prehistoric find but something very modern: a glass-fronted frame. He grasped it gently and pulled it out, wiping the glass surface so he could read the words on the document stored behind the glass. Alan stared back at Billy, opening his mouth several times before finding what he hoped were the right words.

"Congratulations, Dr. Brennan."

Billy's smile widened, a glint of teasing in his eyes. "You do know what this find means?"

Alan started to shake his head, still stunned that Billy had managed to hide this from him. He'd been a complete mess in the days leading up to defending his dissertation but Billy would have been on pain killers for his injuries and... The soft lips pressed against his froze all remaining thought and when Billy pulled back, his eyes were laughing at him.

"No more student and teacher," Billy whispered. "No more reasons to say no." He pulled back a fraction. "You don't want to say no, do you?"

"No... I mean," he blew out an exasperated breath, deciding that actions were more important that trying to wrangle the semantics of the English language under control. He drew Billy back into another kiss, the certificate slipping from his hands as he reached out to frame Billy's head with his hands, fingers sliding through hair already starting to dampen with sweat from the heat of the sun.

Billy drew back with a murmur of pleasure, eyes hooded with desire. "Can we take this some place cooler," he asked softly and Alan smiled.

Alan pushed to his feet and helped Billy up. Together, they started to walk back towards the trailer.

"Wait," Alan stated and rushed back, picking up the frame and smiling at the words contained within. He held it up, grinning back at Billy's smile. This time they made it to the trailer.

Alan turned on the threshold and stared across the empty dig. Tomorrow it would be bustling with students intent on learning more about paleontology in the field but, for today, there was only him and Billy, and Billy was all he needed to fill all those empty places in his soul.

END


End file.
